My Child Is Jesus

I am so sick of parents who think their children can do no wrong.  I will now proceed to analyze the crap out of them.

1.  You think YOU made them, so they must be perfect.  Hello?  God made them, and He made them to be IMPERFECT partly so you would see the correlation between your relationship with your children and HIS relationship with YOU.  Um, it's not about YOU; it's about HIM.  Get over yourself.
2.  You assume your children never lie and so anyone who even hints otherwise is accusing their perfect child of lying and of, worse than that, their poor parenting.  Kids screw up and sometimes tell their parents.  It doesn't mean they are bad.  It doesn't mean you suck at parenting.  For crying out loud, they are practicing being human.  They will screw up and forget or even purposefully not tell you something to test how far they can go.  It's a skill they really need to get along in the world.  Do YOU tell YOUR mother EVERYTHING in your life?  Really?  About your sex life?  Right.  No, it's NOT different.  Your child may not have a sex life, but there are still things they need to have that are private from you in order to practice boundaries.
3. If they fail to tell you everything and you find out from a teacher or another parent or a friend that something negative happened and there are consequences, talk with your child as soon as you can.  It's worse to let it go and blow up later.  Deal with it as it comes and use it as a learning tool.  There will be natural consequences and there probably need to be others as well to help your child remember what happens in this situation.
4.  Your children are not yours; they belong to God.  They are separate people.  They need you to gradually pull away throughout their lives, even when it seems as though they do not want you to.  If you don't help them learn how to separate, you will be making your 25 year old daughter's appointments for her because she "doesn't have time for that" and doing your 30 year old son's laundry because he's "just so tired at the end of his workday."  So are you!!!
5.  Don't let your child dictate their own schedule if they are not driving themselves.  Depending on how many kids you have, limit each child's after school activities to what is manageable for YOU, not THEM.  If they pitch fits, they are spoiled and it will take a long time for them to become unspoiled.  Deal with it. The payoff will come later when they know you will enforce your boundaries.  Don't like discipline?  Then WHY did you have kids??????

So...Apparently This ISN'T a Diet Blog

It's just me, rambling.  So anyway, I have only lost two pounds, but I am trying to run again.  By "run," I mean jog clumsily until I'm completely embarrassing myself with walkers passing me.  That's usually after about ten minutes.  Then there's the constant pain in my butt joint.  Ain't NUTHIN can be done about that except an aspirin every night or a Cure once in a while.  But I'm trying to get in a 10-15 minute jog 3 x a week, plus one Jillian workout, a couple of 10 minute stairmaster times and a few push-ups and sit-ups, maybe an elliptical time if the weather's crappy and the track is too full at the gym.  At least I can get toned up and maybe lose a couple of pounds more.  But I am not going through that mess with getting low blood sugar at work and waking up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep because I'm so hungry. Nope; not doing it.

Boring stuff!  Oy!  Fun stuff now!

Crystal, my nail tech, asked me to do work up a parody of a song for her friends to do for their church's Ladies' Night Out.  I worked up LOTS from which she could choose (Of course, I go overboard, but I didn't know which she'd like.).  She chose two instead of just one, which flattered me to NO end.  The first one is to the tune of "Faith" by George Michael from the 80s.  The second is to the tune of "Do What U Want" by Lady Gaga.  I have printed them below for my own amusement.

Shop  ("Faith" by George Michael)

My husband said it would be nice

If I could help him mow the lawn

Return the calls on the phone

Cause he’s only got two hands.

And it really would be nice

Of me to help him with all that

I’d probably be done in nothing flat

If I didn’t have plans.

Oh but I

Must keep up with another schedule

Things I gotta do to keep my head

Cause if I don’t do them

I act like a fool

So I’d like to help you, Honey

But remember that I said:

I’ve gotta go shop

I gotta go shop

I’ve gotta go shop, shop, shop

I’ve gotta go shop, shop, shop.

Baby

I know the dishes in the sink

Are starting to crack and stink

And it’s giving you the blues

Maybe

You could just spray a can of Raid

And then the bugs will go away

And you can get some Chinet and some Solo cups, too

Before this sale down at Vera Bradley

Becomes a hive of bees or den of snakes

They’ve got a bag that I want so badly

And then I will be ready

To do whatever it takes.

But now I’ve gotta go shop…

Do What U Want (by Lady Gaga)

I look good, I walk downstairs

But then I trip and land on my derriere

I, I stand up and I’m OK

But there’s a giant bruise

And crushes in my hair

So do what you want

What you want with my hairstyle

Do what you want

What you want with my hairstyle

Do what you want

What you want with my hairstyle

Style what you want

Tease what you want up there

I can’t tell What you’re doing

With my hot mess hair

Do what you want

What you want with my hairstyle

What you want with my hairstyle

You can’t have my clothes

And you can’t style my house

But do what you want with my hairstyle

Do what you want with my hairstyle

You can’t do my nails ‘cause

Crystal’s got those down but

Do what you want with my hairstyle

Do what you want with my hairstyle

Early mornings, longer days,

Ball parks, traffic haze

Crazy schedule, sick kids

I wouldn’t trade it in

‘Cause it’s our life; let’s slow it down

We could be famous movie stars

We could be stand-up funny girls

Forget all the kids and all our husbands

Book a cruise, do a long weekend

You’re Lucy and I’m Ethel

Sneaking off from Ricky and Fred

So do what you want

Do what you want with my hairstyle

Do what you want

Do what you want with my hairstyle

Back in the stands getting hot yelling, “Batter!”

Check out the mom with the ump getting madder

Do what you want

Do what you want with my hairstyle

Do what you want

Do what you want with my hairstyle

Cause it’s going under a hat anyway after school

And you’ll do it tomorrow when we get back from the pool

You can’t have my clothes

And you can’t style my house

But do what you want with my hairstyle

Do what you want with my hairstyle

You can’t do my nails ‘cause

Crystal’s got those down but

Do what you want with my hairstyle

Do what you want with my hairstyle

Sometimes I’m tired I suppose

When I don’t get much sleep

And all the chores

Piled high and deep

But just do my hair

One less thing to care

You can’t have my clothes

And you can’t style my house

But do what you want with my hairstyle

Do what you want with my hairstyle

You can’t do my nails ‘cause

Crystal’s got those down but

Do what you want with my hairstyle

Do what you want with my hairstyle

The Cure

So the so-called diet is back on, meaning I don't eat a dessert that isn't in pre-packaged form, I snack on Luna bars, fruit squishies, and pre-packaged cheez-its, and I try to exercise 40 minutes 3x a week.  Yesterday, we walked 5 miles in 1.25 hours.

OK, enough of that boring crap.  On to adult beverages, which I know are empty calories, but sometimes after a long day like this one (Taking an 88-year-old to a doctor's appointment 50 miles away, taking her to the grocery which I asked her about earlier and she said no,  and trying to convince her that we didn't have time to "drop in for a visit" on her unsuspecting sister-in-law.), it's the best way to ease a tension headache.

This drink started out as a Mint Julep during a viewing of the Kentucky Derby with my BFFs from Dothan about six years ago in Atlanta.  The bartender didn't know how to make a julep so Camille said, "Just make a Long Island Iced Tea and twist a mint leaf in it."  They were wonderful.

I came home and tried to recreate it.  I bought everything: vodka, gin, rum, Cointreau, and Coke.  Over the past few years, I've never recreated the one in Atlanta, and it's not just the mint.  I've come up with something different, but I really like it, mainly because it's sweet.

I call it The Cure.

In a clear Solo cup, pour
1 oz. vodka and
1 oz Cointreau or other orange liqueur.
Add crushed ice to the 3/4 line
Brew strong tea with 2 tea bags.  I use Twinnings Decaf Breakfast.  Decaf 'cause, you know, I WANT to go to sleep after I drink this.
Steep 5-8 min.
Sweeten heavily with sugar, agave nectar, or artificial sweeteners. I know; I'm headed for pancreatic cancer. But stevia and all those things like sorbitol, maltilol, and sucralose give me bad intestinal cramps.  I told Thing Two, who said he doesn't want me dying that way, that any way I die will probably not be pleasant and at least his immediate future will not be with a sad, overweight and possibly diabetic mom nor with a mom that passes gas constantly.  He quit bugging me.
Fill another Solo cup halfway with ice.
Pour hot tea mixture over ice to just cover ice.
Stir tea and ice.
Pour this over the ice in the liquored cup.
Stir again.
Add a splash of lemonade and/or OJ to taste.

So make it yourself and tell me what you think.  It's mainly just sweet and the only calories are from the liquor, so I'm guessing it's about 120 calories as opposed to a ten-oz Margarita, which is an average of 450 calories.  Not that I oppose a Margarita,.  I just can't have one every week.  But all I have to do to score The Cure is do 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer at the gym.  I can do that.