My Child Is Jesus

I am so sick of parents who think their children can do no wrong.  I will now proceed to analyze the crap out of them.

1.  You think YOU made them, so they must be perfect.  Hello?  God made them, and He made them to be IMPERFECT partly so you would see the correlation between your relationship with your children and HIS relationship with YOU.  Um, it's not about YOU; it's about HIM.  Get over yourself.
2.  You assume your children never lie and so anyone who even hints otherwise is accusing their perfect child of lying and of, worse than that, their poor parenting.  Kids screw up and sometimes tell their parents.  It doesn't mean they are bad.  It doesn't mean you suck at parenting.  For crying out loud, they are practicing being human.  They will screw up and forget or even purposefully not tell you something to test how far they can go.  It's a skill they really need to get along in the world.  Do YOU tell YOUR mother EVERYTHING in your life?  Really?  About your sex life?  Right.  No, it's NOT different.  Your child may not have a sex life, but there are still things they need to have that are private from you in order to practice boundaries.
3. If they fail to tell you everything and you find out from a teacher or another parent or a friend that something negative happened and there are consequences, talk with your child as soon as you can.  It's worse to let it go and blow up later.  Deal with it as it comes and use it as a learning tool.  There will be natural consequences and there probably need to be others as well to help your child remember what happens in this situation.
4.  Your children are not yours; they belong to God.  They are separate people.  They need you to gradually pull away throughout their lives, even when it seems as though they do not want you to.  If you don't help them learn how to separate, you will be making your 25 year old daughter's appointments for her because she "doesn't have time for that" and doing your 30 year old son's laundry because he's "just so tired at the end of his workday."  So are you!!!
5.  Don't let your child dictate their own schedule if they are not driving themselves.  Depending on how many kids you have, limit each child's after school activities to what is manageable for YOU, not THEM.  If they pitch fits, they are spoiled and it will take a long time for them to become unspoiled.  Deal with it. The payoff will come later when they know you will enforce your boundaries.  Don't like discipline?  Then WHY did you have kids??????