Crystal, my nail tech, asked me to do work up a parody of a song for her friends to do for their church's Ladies' Night Out. I worked up LOTS from which she could choose (Of course, I go overboard, but I didn't know which she'd like.). She chose two instead of just one, which flattered me to NO end. The first one is to the tune of "Faith" by George Michael from the 80s. The second is to the tune of "Do What U Want" by Lady Gaga. I have printed them below for my own amusement.
Shop ("Faith" by George Michael)
My husband said it would be nice
If I could help him mow the lawn
Return the calls on the phone
Cause he’s only got two hands.
And it really would be nice
Of me to help him with all that
I’d probably be done in nothing flat
If I didn’t have plans.
Oh but I
Must keep up with another schedule
Things I gotta do to keep my head
Cause if I don’t do them
I act like a fool
So I’d like to help you, Honey
But remember that I said:
I’ve gotta go shop
I gotta go shop
I’ve gotta go shop, shop, shop
I’ve gotta go shop, shop, shop.
Baby
I know the dishes in the sink
Are starting to crack and stink
And it’s giving you the blues
Maybe
You could just spray a can of Raid
And then the bugs will go away
And you can get some Chinet and some Solo cups, too
Before this sale down at Vera Bradley
Becomes a hive of bees or den of snakes
They’ve got a bag that I want so badly
And then I will be ready
To do whatever it takes.
But now I’ve gotta go shop…
Do What U Want (by Lady Gaga)
I look good, I walk downstairs
But then I trip and land on my derriere
I, I stand up and I’m OK
But there’s a giant bruise
And crushes in my hair
So do what you want
What you want with my hairstyle
Do what you want
What you want with my hairstyle
Do what you want
What you want with my hairstyle
Style what you want
Tease what you want up there
I can’t tell What you’re doing
With my hot mess hair
Do what you want
What you want with my hairstyle
What you want with my hairstyle
You can’t have my clothes
And you can’t style my house
But do what you want with my hairstyle
Do what you want with my hairstyle
You can’t do my nails ‘cause
Crystal’s got those down but
Do what you want with my hairstyle
Do what you want with my hairstyle
Early mornings, longer days,
Ball parks, traffic haze
Crazy schedule, sick kids
I wouldn’t trade it in
‘Cause it’s our life; let’s slow it down
We could be famous movie stars
We could be stand-up funny girls
Forget all the kids and all our husbands
Book a cruise, do a long weekend
You’re Lucy and I’m Ethel
Sneaking off from Ricky and Fred
So do what you want
Do what you want with my hairstyle
Do what you want
Do what you want with my hairstyle
Back in the stands getting hot yelling, “Batter!”
Check out the mom with the ump getting madder
Do what you want
Do what you want with my hairstyle
Do what you want
Do what you want with my hairstyle
Cause it’s going under a hat anyway after school
And you’ll do it tomorrow when we get back from the pool
You can’t have my clothes
And you can’t style my house
But do what you want with my hairstyle
Do what you want with my hairstyle
You can’t do my nails ‘cause
Crystal’s got those down but
Do what you want with my hairstyle
Do what you want with my hairstyle
Sometimes I’m tired I suppose
When I don’t get much sleep
And all the chores
Piled high and deep
But just do my hair
One less thing to care
You can’t have my clothes
And you can’t style my house
But do what you want with my hairstyle
Do what you want with my hairstyle
You can’t do my nails ‘cause
Crystal’s got those down but
Do what you want with my hairstyle
Do what you want with my hairstyle
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